Those are just some of the word describing me right now.
Wow- not sure what I am going through. I need to look up emotional stages of a deployment. I am feeling so weird. I am tired all the time now. I don't really want to do anything. yesterday I sat on my couch and stared aimlessly for over an hour. BIZARRE! I never take naps- NEVER- I took 2- yes 2 this week. BIZARRE I forced myself this morning to go meet some other spouses for coffee. I typically love going and look forward to it each week. not today! BIZARRE
I'm feeling so many emotions at once right now. I am so mad at my van- I just got it fixed yesterday and spent $370 on it. Today- it dies on me. The exact reason why I got it fixed yesterday.UGH So far this deployment- my heater broke, garage door opener broke, van broke-twice-, fence broke, mower broke, sump pump broke and flooded some of the basement, master bath toilet leaked into downstairs room and my kitchen sink leaked. I'm sure there is more. All while I am taking care of 2 dogs, 2 vehicles, a house and bills. Not to mention my 2 kids- my daughter who absolutely adores her dad and is going through some self esteem issues. Plus-my son, which is a 13 year old teenager-UGH!!
I feel so tired, worn down, sad, angry.......
I literally would love to just sit at my kitchen table- put my head on it and just let my arms hang down for hours and hours. Not moving or thinking. Just sit there. I don't even want to sleep- even though I am SO tired, I don't want to sleep.
Call me a whiner, complainer- whatever. Don't really care. I know that we signed up for this and I am not saying that I don't want to be a military spouse or that I can't handle it. I'm just saying...........
I don't know what I'm saying really. LOL Maybe I'm just going through a moment. I hope it ends soon. I have so much I need to be taking care of and yet I can't seem to accomplish anything.
I know there are worse situations. I am aware that I truly don't have it that bad. I am thankful that we are all healthy and blessed with a roof over our head. I am thankful for the love of my family and all they my husband provides for us. I am thankful that we are ending this deployment soon. I am thankful that his job does not regularly put him in harms way. I AM thankful.
But still---- I feel..........................BLAH (blank face staring at computer screen)
I'm sure none of this has anything to do with the fact that my husband has been gone since Jan 30th and I miss him more than I could ever explain.