This blog is written as a way for me to express my feelings, thoughts and emotions as I go through life as a proud Air Force Wife!


February 28, 2010

Blending into small town USA

This is our first base where we chose to buy a house. We always hear how wonderful it is to own your own home and how once you live off base you never go back. Well, we took a leap and purchased a home here since the housing was cheap. I say its cheap but only because I come from CA where houses 1500 sq ft cost over $300K. Of course all that was before the economic crisis.
Now we own our home and live in a small town (less than 10K people) 15minutes from base.

I remember my mom being with us when we were looking for houses and as we drove through this town she thought it was so cute and lovely. We both were excited thinking that everyone would be so nice and friendly. How all the people are probably the nicest people in the world and we will live happily like they do on TV. LOL  Not even close!!!

Maybe I am too much of a big city girl but I don't agree with small town politics. I also didn't know that nearly everyone will somehow be related and they all seem to have gone to school together. Everyone knows everyone and they ALL know your business or at least they try really hard to know all your business. 

I am used to military communities where people welcome you and are eager to be your friend. 
Where people are glad you want to get involved and listen to your ideas.
They care about your family and want to learn more about you.

This small town has been nothing like that at all. In fact I will NEVER live in a small town again.

I learned very quickly that when applying for a job you need to either know the hiring person or be related. Of course I don't fit any of that criteria here. So when I applied for 3 jobs in the school district I did not get hired. They didn't even call me to get an interview!!  I remember calling and asking about the job in question and they told me that they had already done some interviews and they filled the position.  How in the heck can you just do some interviews! Isn't that illegal. I didn't even get a fair chance and I had experience with the job that I applied.

That was just the beginning of my small town woes.  I truly miss living on base and feeling welcomed. I know that we will not live off base unless we are truly living in a military community. The people here seem to be stuck inside there little bubble and have blinders on. I am fortunate that I have found 3 good friends that I can trust and aren't gossip whores. That is sad that only 3 people here have opened there hearts to our family and we have lived here now for almost 3 years. Oh well- no love lost. It shall be the easiest base move we will ever go through. I envision myself on our moving day looking at the rear view mirror with the greatest smile on my face. I SO look forward to that day.

February 26, 2010

Our first box

I have been working on shipping our first box over. Hubby called and needed a few essentials- blanket, sheets, hangars, pillows, bug spray, lysol and a new wallet. Well that will be easy. Oh the fun of shopping and getting everything packed and ready to go. I knew I would need a BIG box since he needs pillows and blankets but once you add everything else it became a REALLY big box. I stuffed everything in there (lovingly) and prepared to send it.

I thought this would be an easy task but soon found out I didn't know where to send it from. People kept telling me different ways to send it: use the base post office, call mobility and have them send it over on a plane, us UPS or the post office. I was hoping that someone would have an inexpensive way that I could send this huge box without costing me a weeks worth of groceries. After calling lots of places and talking to lots of people- I'm sending it through the post office.

Luckily, I found out that after this big box the cost won't always be so high. They now have priority flat rate international boxes that you can use to ship to the soldiers. I called the USPS and ordered my free military kit that they have. It is supposed to come with tape, boxes, labels and customs forms. I need to find a spot in the house to be our new postal area.

Of course I love shopping so when he said he needed all these things I was excited. Sure- I will go and buy all these essentials for you and have it shipped out lickity split. The hardest part came when I was putting his new wallet in the box. Something so simple as a wallet yet it was so much more than that. As it be, I was told that if you are captured and they see in your wallet lots of family pictures they see you more as a human and not just a soldier. Well, I decided to buy 2 picture holders for his wallet because that was one piece of information that I wasn't going to slack on. 

I printed out lots of different pictures. I made sure there was a variety for him to look at and none of them were him in uniform. I wanted him to be able to look at those pictures and be reminded of our everyday lives outside of the military. Pictures of Christmas and his teams he coached were my favorites.

As I put the wallet in the box I think about how weird it is that something so simple as a wallet can make me cry. Because even though its just a simple wallet it really is so much more than that. The thought that those pictures could possibly help him if he is captured is a thought that I didn't ever think I would have. I know that the chances of him being captured are remote but that doesn't stop the emotion that is brought on. 

So with that-- I sealed up the box and am shipping it out today. My first of many boxes that will travel through the miles to send a smile and love to my wonderful husband.

February 24, 2010

It's fixed

My friend Erin stopped by and tried to help me and she said it might just fix itself. Magically this morning when I tried to change my background it finally worked. Didn't do anything new that I hadn't done yesterday but today it worked.

February 23, 2010

UGH Blog trouble!!!

I am trying to change my background and it wont change. I am the type of person that just can't let it go. I keep trying to figure out what step am I missing???   I have changed the template, deleted the HTML of the other graphics and STILL can't seem to get rid of this background.  It really is driving me insane.  A friend even came over to see if she could fix it. But no luck.  I guess I need to be patient and it will fix itself. Yeah right- I am going to hit the world wide web and hopefully find a solution. Maybe someone at the Mom Bloggers Club can help.

Fingers crossed

Blogs are great but they also can be a lot of work   :-)


I never know what is going to spark that emotion in me that can break me down in a instant. Sometimes its driving by his work or seeing his uniform hanging in the closet, finding his favorite hot sauce hidden in the fridge, his razors in the cabinet or that song you hear on the radio.

Highway run
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind

Today it was a song- our wedding song!  He picked our wedding song, "Faithfully" by Journey. I liked that song but it wasn't really my choice for a wedding song. I let him pick since I did pick everything else and he really wanted that song. That song now means so much to me and is the best song he ever could have picked. At the time the words faithfully meant a lot to me and obviously to him. But now the other words are so important and true in our life.

Restless hearts
Sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love along the wire

Just hearing that song brings me to tears and breaks me down so fast. No matter what kind of a great day I might be having.  I am thankful that I hear that song. Even though it brings so much emotion to me it reminds me how much I truly love him.

Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am, lost without you

I think about our wedding day and where we have come. We have been together for almost 14 years and I foresee so many more. I truly believe that him being gone a lot has made our marriage very successful. You can't appreciate what you have if you always have it. Every time he leaves my love for him grows so much stronger because I appreciate who he is and what he has done for our family.

Being apart ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
Oh girl
You stand by me

I look forward to rediscovering him and for us to be a family again and relearn all our crazy ways.  To buy a new  hot sauce--- so  it can get used again.

I'm still yours
I'm forever yours

February 17, 2010

The Military Wife

Lots of moving...
Moving far from home...
Moving two cars, three kids and one dog...all riding with HER of course.
Moving sofas to basements because they won't go in THIS house;
Moving curtains that won't fit;
Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours.
Moving away from friends;
Moving toward new friends;
Moving her most important luggage: her trunk full of memories.

Often waiting...
Waiting for housing.
Waiting for orders.
Waiting for deployments.
Waiting for phone calls.
Waiting for reunions.
Waiting for the new curtains to arrive.
Waiting for him to come home,
For dinner...AGAIN!

They call her 'Military Dependent', but she knows better:
She is fiercely In-Dependent.

She can balance a check book;
Handle the yard work;
Fix a noisy toilet;
Bury the family pet...

She is intimately familiar with drywall anchors and toggle bolts.
She can file the taxes;
Sell a house;
Buy a car;
Or set up a move...
.....all with ONE Power of Attorney.

She welcomes neighbors that don't welcome her.
She reinvents her career with every PCS;
Locates a house in the desert, The Arctic, Or the deep south.
And learns to call them all 'home'.
She MAKES them all home.

Military Wives are somewhat hasty...
They leap into:
Career alternatives,
And friendships.
They don't have 15 years to get to know people.
Their roots are short but flexible.
They plant annuals for themselves and perennials for those who come
after them.

Military Wives quickly learn to value each other:
They connect over coffee,
Rely on the spouse network,
Accept offers of friendship and favors.
Record addresses in pencil...

Military Wives have a common bond:
The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands; his commitment is
He doesn't have a 'JOB'
He has a 'MISSION' that he can't just decide to quit...
He's on-call for his country 24/7.
But for her, he's the most unreliable guy in town!
His language is foreign
And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his.
She is the long- distance link to keep them informed;
The glue that holds them together.

A Military Wife has her moments:
She wants to wring his neck;
Dye his uniform pink;
Refuse to move to Siberia;
But she pulls herself together.
Give her a few days,
A travel brochure,
A long hot bath,
A pledge to the flag,
A wedding picture,
And she goes.
She packs.
She moves.
She follows.

What for?
How come?
You may think it is because she has lost her mind.
But actually it is because she has lost her heart.
It was stolen from her by a man,
Who puts duty first,
Who longs to deploy,
Who salutes the flag,
And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her
Military Husband,
She will remain his Military Wife.
And would have it no other way.

--Author Unknown

February 16, 2010

Change the Date----Again

It never fails that in the military nothing is set.  We have a chance to go visit my husband when he is done with training and before he leaves for Iraq. It is a very small 3 day window of time. I waited for a long time to buy plane tickets before we were 90% sure. Nothing is 100%. Well now that he is a couple weeks into training we find out that he might leave earlier than expected- BEFORE our trip to see him.

AAAAHHHHH--- pulling hair and losing mind!! 

How the heck am I going to explain that to my daughter who is only surviving knowing that she is going to see daddy in a few weeks. Oh my I hope that this isn't what is going to happen. Of course we will still go on our trip but it just won't be the same and will actually probably be more depressing since we know what the original plan was. 

Then I go into panic mode. Maybe I can change all my dates for everything I have reservations for? At a hefty fee I am sure, especially for the plane tickets. When do I say the cost is too high? 

Is there a stopping point? I would give anything to see him before he heads to Baghdad. I know that once he leaves the US I will definitely not see him until his return- 7 months later, if on time. 

All I can do now is wait to see if they are changing his dates. 

And wait

And wait..................................

February 13, 2010

Baseballs, Teenagers and Dogs

Oh my what a crazy couple of days. I miss those times when I can pass the chaos on to my husband and he can deal with the kids.  

Yesterday the kids and I went to see the new Percy Jackson movie. My son (13) has read the series and has been waiting with baited breath to see this movie. As a thoughtful and nice mom I thought I would take him on opening night with all the excitement.  Oh the appreciation and love I would receive from him would be so wonderful. Surely he would be in happy mode for days after this. I can rest assure that my next week would be less stressful since he would realize how much I love him and what a kind gesture it is for me to take him.


What was I thinking- he is a teenager after all!!  

My daughter and I went to a woman's fair while he was at school. She had no school and he did. That was fun in itself. I made sure he had his house key just in case we didn't make it home on time. We talked about him walking home or going to a friends house until we got home. After school i get a call and he wants to know why we aren't there to pick him up. Oh the wonderful conversation we had about how he can walk his young  butt home and he knew what the plan was. Then off to the movies we went. It's a Friday night and opening weekend so I know it will probably be busy and best to get there early to get our tickets and seats. He gets mad because we are early and have to wait 45 min. What is he supposed to do for 45 minutes waiting for this movie. You can't be serious!! I don't care what you do for 45 min (i really do though) as long as you don't complain again to me. Where is the appreciation and love that I wanted. OH- it's because I wanted it from my teenager. I even asked him for a hug because my head was hurting and I told him he is not being very appreciative.  Of course I got the crazy , there is no way I am hugging you in public look. 

Oh well, at least now I know not to set my expectations up too high. 

Now it is Sat morning and I have already gotten up twice in the night.  I wake up to my daughter screaming and crying. She comes running up the stairs and into my room. I know this cannot be good. Apparently no one was watching our 3 year old lab/rott mix who went in her room. He was able to grab her favorite goggles and her favorite baseball that she caught last summer while at a game with her daddy.They are beyond repair and use!

She can't stop crying and nothing I say makes her better. Of course then this goes into how much she wants her daddy home, why can't other people do his job and on and on. It is so hard to try to explain to a 10 year old about why the Air Force is important and what her daddy does. She doesn't care about any of it because of course it still means her daddy isn't home. You cannot console a little girl who just want's her daddy. I try to tell her how lots of parents are gone and they share the responsibility. She doesn't care still. 

It's only 9 am on Saturday and my 3 day weekend just started.

February 10, 2010


 Comic from Jenny the Military spouse

  Oh the joys of going to the commiscary.  I remember my first visit to one when we lived in CA. Hubby was in basic training and I was told by him about the commissary and how I should use it. So as soon as I got my first  ID card I headed to the commissary.   Little did I know that going would turn out to be more of an adventure than I ever imagined.  It all seemed so simple- after all I'm just buying groceries for pete's sake.  I soon learned that there is so much more to the commissary then just buying groceries.  Make sure you have your ID on you to enter, grab cart, follow arrows in the aisles and go the correct way, make it fast so you do not piss off one of the retiree's and show ID again to check out. Gosh and I haven't even figured out the bagging part yet.  It would have been nice if I had seen the arrows when I first came in but it didn't even catch my eye. I only learned about the arrows when I was scolded by a retiree about going the wrong way. I looked at her all confused with a lost face and she just pointed to the floor. OH so this is just like when I am driving my car???  So they think there might be a severe accident if we don't all go one way?? Whats up with the arrows. I later learned that it was the only commissary that I would ever see arrows at. Thank Goodness!  So as I was shopping I noticed that 95% of everyone there was probably retired. Hmm......  I finally make it to check out and show my ID card again, just in case the person at the front door isn't doing there job and people are surely sneaking in like crazy.  I see these wonderful senior citizens bagging my food. That's great that they are still working and getting out of the home. When the bagger was done putting my groceries away he just stood there and waited. Waited for what I have no idea. I was trying so hard to figure out what I was missing when finally (seeing that I was oblivious) he told me that they worked off tips and I needed to tip him.  OH, ok??   I later learned to never go to the commissary on the first of the month. That's retiree payday!!!

That was many years ago and I have learned the proper way to use the commissary now. I love seeing those young girls and noticing it is their first visit. I try to talk to them and let them know the ways of the commissary.  I do regularly shop there for our groceries since the discount is good. Of course, every base the commissary is different. Here our commissary is small and very limited with it's selections. I went to Tinker's commissary once and LOVED it!  WOW- it was huge and just like a Dillon's only way cheaper.

February 5, 2010

Field Trips

Today I went on a field trip with my daughter who is in 4th grade. All the fourth graders have been talking about this field trip for FOREVER, mostly because they get to miss 5 Fridays of school.  Of course I thought I would do my mommy duty and be a chaperone - after all, how bad could it be with 40 4th graders?  Well, I don't suggest riding the bus with them that's for sure. Good golly they are loud! The mass chaos of the ride gets to be a little much after the first 2 minutes. As I watch the places go by I think- Were only this far? I did bring headphones with me but didn't feel quite right not chatting with my sweety along the way. Hanging out with a large group of kids any age is always interesting. You instantly get to know them quite well even not having a single conversation with them. I now know who the shy, loud, over achiever, brainiacs and brown nosers of tomorrow are. LOL  All aside, kids are great!!  You can watch them as their little minds are contemplating things and figuring it out. I love watching them when they are seriously trying to figure something out and then it hits them. The light bulb is bright and you can tell by the look of relief on their face that they finally get it. All in all it was a great day. Oh, but I still have 4 more Fridays!!! 

February 4, 2010

When family needs you

No sunshine today! I really need me some sunshine. My brothers girlfriend of 9 years past away in her sleep. I feel so sad for him and her children. I want to be there to help him but the miles between us are long. I know that it will be a long process for him before he can even remotely move forward. The hardest thinking is knowing that I wont be there to try and help him. Yes I can call and will but it just doesn't seem the same. Death always makes you think more about things going on in your life and if you are prepared. Sure I have a Will and insurance but those things seem so minor to making sure that everyone you love truly knows that you love them. Makes me think so much about mu husband far away and how he will be even farther away soon. I am not generally a Debby downer but today is definitely a Debby downer of a day. So hug your kids and your spouse and tell the ones you love what they really mean to you.


Ah the beautiful look of snow.  Woke up this morning to some wonderful white flakes.  These are the good white flakes not the dandruff kind. :-)  The ones that come down so slowly and peacefully that it could put you to sleep in a heartbeat. I love to watch it snow and see all the trees covered in beautiful, soft powder. How the yard looks with a blanket of softness.

And then you have to drive in it and all that wonderfulness leaves. The kids wake up and they think we should be having a snow day! WHAT- there is barely an inch on the ground and you want them to call school out already. Oh the joys of praying for a snow day and then not getting it. They always act like its my fault, why didn't I order more snow. Off to school we go and the soft snow leaves and is replaced with brown, nasty slush!  Oh well, at least I can look out to my backyard for some peacefulness and look through my front window for reality.

Well, we had a bit of a cell phone scare. When hubby tried to call yesterday his phone started acting all crazy. Then it just went dead. Not a good thing when that is your only form of communication. Of course he could always ask to borrow some ones phone, but who wants to do that. LOL  Luckily after a few hours it was up and running again, just in time to talk to his daughter.  She was having another restless night where she just couldn't fall asleep. No matter how many hugs and kisses mommy gave, it wasn't working. Finally I had her do some stretches and take some deep breathes. Still didn't work. Oh boy- I had a feeling it was going to be a long night. THEN- Dad calls. Of course that was the cure all to her sleeplessness. After there conversation she was all snug and went to sleep quickly. So thankful that he was able to call and relieve her stresses but that wont always be the case. I know that he won't always be able to call and I know now that a plan needs to get in place for the next restless night that she can't sleep.

February 2, 2010

The Departure

How does one prepare for a departure?  I really don't think there is a set way. Lots of times I think I know exactly how it will go and how it will feel but it never turns out that way. I didn't plan for the sink to break the night before and him to spend his last evening fixing it. But that is what our last evening was about. It turned out to be a good thing- took our thoughts away from the departure. Reminded us that we are just a regular family with an irregular life.

The morning that he left ended up being a  l- o- n- g  one. We had to be at base to pick up his weapons at 3:15 in the morning. We were late!  After meeting up with the weapons escort we made our journey to the airport. The kids were all excited that dad had 2 weapons and they wanted to bad to see them. Well, they had to have security come over and make sure he wasn't smuggling anything in the case so we all got to see his weapons.

Finally all checked in we made our way to the terminal. The airport allows military families  to go to the gate so that they can spend a little more time together which we were very thankful for. On our way 2 different people stopped Chris to thank him for his service. I always get choked up when that happens because it means so much to hear that from people. It reminds me how proud and special all our military are and that our journeys tend to be a little different then civilians in so many ways that can't be explained.

Goodbyes are always hard. Especially when the plane just sits on the tarmac!!  AAAHHH   It is that moment when you want to go but you can't. What if something is wrong with the plane and they return to the terminal? What if- what if- what if!  I try not to play the what if game but at that moment I couldn't help it. So we waited for the plane to leave the tarmac. It took 25   l- o- n- g  minutes because it was getting deiced. As I was staring at that plane I couldn't help but think about all that is to come. Everything that needs to be done and how will it go. So many emotions and concerns to think about and I want to be strong for the kids. I want to be strong for him. If I am weak he will have a harder deployment worrying about us. If I am weak then the kids will break down. My weak time comes when they are asleep and I am alone to cry. Or in the shower in the morning so they cannot hear me and in the car driving where songs break me down.

And so another part of our journey begins,one that I know will be filled with many emotions.  It wouldn't be so hard to go through a deployment if I didn't love him so darn much.

Preparing with Lists

There is always so much to do prior to a deployment.  I try to make lists to ensure I don't forget anything. He also made a list, but of course our lists are on completely different subjects. Mine is all about him doing the things now that will make my life easier later. His list has all the stuff he needs to accomplish before he leaves that pertains to what the Air Force wants him to do. Plus all the items he needs to obtain before he leaves.

MY LIST---This is our first base where we purchased a house and will be the last until we retire. What a headache it has been to own a home that you know you will not live in forever. Upon his return we should be moving to our next assignment. That of course means that I need to sell the house while he is gone. Oh what fun I will have!!  Yes- I know- people say "Why don't you wait until he returns?". Well, we are set to get orders while he is gone and hopefully move within 2 months of his return. With the market being as it is I want to ensure that upon his return we are not spending all our time selling the house. We definitely do not want to move and still have this house. Non thanks on 2 mortgages!! So back to my list-- it is all about the house!  Things he needs to fix and repair so that I don't have to. Now I'm not saying that I can't accomplish most of the things on the list. But while he is here why not get as much done as possible. Thus making for my life easier later down the line.

HIS LIST--  Purchase this, purchase that. Buy more socks, more PT gear, more gadgets and outprocess the base.  Now- I love my husband dearly and I know he is a busy man BUT I really wish my list could be more important than his list. Not gonna happen. I am aware of this so I made my to do list for him 3 months prior to his departure. Surely this will allow adequate time for the 11 things on there.  Oh, what was I thinking. I guess I needed to pressure him more but that just isn't how I am. Procrastination is a funny thing.  It is great while you are in full procrastination mode because you feel like you have more time on your hands. And you always think you will have plenty of time when you do decide to accomplish whatever you are procrastinating. Well, he ran out of time.

Why this Blog???

We have been a military family for 11 years now. Every time we have a deployment or PCS (move) non military friends often ask me how do you do it. I really don't think much about it probably because by now I am used to it and it is normal for me. Typically I think how could they not! How could you live in one place for so long and not wonder what else is out there. I know that military life is not for everyone. There are many military wives that I have met and the life is not even for them. I will talk about that later-LOL. Anyway, I thought that for this deployment I would try something new and write about my experience and how I "Do it". Hopefully this in turn will also help me to get through my days by giving me my own "mission". So, welcome to my Air Force journey and I hope you enjoy it Through My Eyes!