This blog is written as a way for me to express my feelings, thoughts and emotions as I go through life as a proud Air Force Wife!


May 6, 2010

Spouses Clubs

I am sure we all have wonderful, positive, the best time of our lives experiences with military Spouses groups!

LOL  Yeah right!

I have had some absolutely fabulous times with spouses clubs but there is always those times when you dont feel like you belong. The" why am I even here" moment.

I had that moment a few months ago but I didn't let it win. So here is my story of what happened at an Officers Spouses Club meeting.

My hubby is prior enlisted. As an enlisted wife I was really involved and volunteered with the squadron spouses groups and the base enlisted spouses club. I really believe every base is what you make it. If you are negative before you every get there you are not giving it or yourself a chance. You are doomed from the get go. My kids are not allowed to tell me they don't like a base until we have lived there and they can form an actual opinion. Many people give you opinions on how a base is but it all depends on what they do while at the base that makes it their opinion. For example:
working, volunteering on/off base, kids/no kids, living in base housing or not are all ways to make each base experience different

Ok- I am off subject.

Back to the point- When he became an officer I was really nervous about getting involved in the Officer spouses club. You know we all have heard the stereotype of officer wives. I was worried that I wouldn't fit in or they wouldn't care about me because my hubby is low man on the totem poll and he is not a pilot. Since my hubby was deploying I thought I need to get involved and meet more military spouses. We do not live on base and our community is not a military community.

I went to an event by myself in hopes of meeting new people. I arrived and was greeted at the door and given a sticker name tag. Everyone else had official name tags because they were not new. So I grab a glass of wine and stand near the door for a while in hopes of someone talking to me. Everyone was coming in groups and were immediately going to their friends. As I -just-- stood --there. I finally ventured to the couch where a lot of ladies were but still was not spoken too. I texted a friend and told her I was getting ready to leave because it had been 15 minutes and no one acknowledged me. I was really hurt and stupefied that all these spouses would not speak to me. There were  about 25 people present.  I was getting ready to give up when someone sat next to me an introduced herself. She started chatting with me and introduced me to some other people. Finally people were talking to me. They did not know I was new and apparently were so consumed in their conversations to notice I was by myself.  I understand that. Yes- I guess I should have introduced my self to people and made more of a point of that. But I didn't feel comfortable.

I went to another event after that and wouldn't you know it- all the people I had chatted with at the last event were not there. UGH  Not this again.  Well, I took it upon myself to make sure I had a good time because it is up to me what kind of time I have. I went up and talked to people and introduced myself and met more friends.

The point is- I waited it out and was happy I did. Had I left I would have missed out on a lot of great information and new friends. Everyone was very nice. I went to the events from that point on and am not the club secretary. My goal in the club is to mae sure that anyone new to an event is welcomed correctly and not left alone.
So- if you see someone by themselves just go talk to them. We all are in the same situation no matter what rank or job. We are all spouses who are away from our family and we all need friends.


Anonymous said...

Hey there!

New follower here! Just thought I would stop by and say hello and introduce myself! I'm a future Marine wife and I'm always willing to meet new people!

I've always wondered about those spouse clubs and how they work. I guess I'll have to wait and see when I get married and start living with him! I can't wait to read more from your blog and to get to know you better. =)


Patty said...

So happy to find your blog! WE have a lot in common!

Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

I think sometimes its hard to remember we are all in the same boat. Believe it or not I have not made any friends here and we've been here for over 6 months. I keep telling myself I need to go to the club meetings and call the Readiness Center and start getting involved. Its just taking that first step.

♥ Mrs. S.

L.C. said...

I'm involved at our enlisted spouses club, but I had no idea there even was such a thing until after my husband was deployed and 4 weeks in I get this thing in the mail about a key spouse...yeah no idea what that was or why I would call them. A link at the bottom of the paper said something about the enlisted club so I went online and sent a message and I am so happy I did. I love it. I am glad you stuck it out!!

Mira said...

well, first of all, not every officer is an pilot. ;) I am glad you have stayed there because I do that too (now). It's sure not easy to make new frineds but we have to keep trying. :)

Hope said...

very similar to the discussion i had with my teen today: everyone feels awkward sometime, you just gotta push through it.

Reina said...

I loved this post! What an honest story about how A LOT of us feel! People aren't as catty or clique-y as we feel but I think that entering into a foreign group of women can feel absolutely intimidating. Just a friendly smile or a "hi, welcome" can make that transition a WHOLE lot easier...and we'll probably find that we like each other too!

Kara said...

I'm glad it turned out to be a good thing!! My ex-husband was Army and I never had a good experience with spouse things. My husband now is a Marine and it is a completely different experience! I dont know if it is just the women or that my husband personality or the Army/Marine differnce. I'm glad you stayed, we can be each other's biggest supports!

Laina said...

As a Navy wife I know exactly what you mean. It is hard moving to a new place and having to start all over. I am quite shy so it takes me a bit longer to make friends. But you are right. It is all about your attitude and what you make of it. You can't always depend on everyone else to make things happen, you must start it yourself. :)
I am now an official follower of you. I only follow blogs I intend to regularly read so I look forward to upcoming posts :)

The LT's Wifey said...

Okay, so my husband is prior enlisted now an big bad 33 yr old 2LT. And I TOTALLY know how you feel. I feel like a totally intruder at officer functions. everyone so far has been really nice so far though. but I just feel different. I have kind of adopted the "if you can't beat 'em -join 'em" attitude. I volunteered for the FRG (yea!-FRG) and am going to a girls night out next week. I will keep you posted. I am new to your blog, but it is so very nice to know I am not alone!

Hannah Noel said...

I'm totally with you!! I think there should be a "newcomer's welcoming committee" with any spouse club! I haven't even been able to go to a function or meeting yet, and I was desperate to make new friends so I emailed the manager of the OSC thrift shop on base to see if she needed volunteers. It's hard to make that initial step to put yourself out there, but I'm glad I did! I've met a lot of great women this way :)

And I totally agree that it is what you make it!


My husband just commissioned in Dec. after 5 years enlisted. I relate a bit. I enjoy your blog :)

Letters from a Sailor's Sweetheart... said...

I'm a newbie here. Haven't had a change to get to know anyone yet. I'm not even sure if there's an FRG in my area. I've talked to the ombudsman to my fiance's boat, but that's it. I've joined a few sites, and following blogs. Started my own as well. I don't feel so "alone" anymore. Love your blog. I'll keep reading.

Ranting_Navy Wife said...

I wish everybody were as thoughtful as you hon. Ive been to my share of events and have always felt left out and noticed people alone or feeling the same way as me so id talk to them so they wouldnt feel alone too. Eventually I stopped going to events altogether due to never feeling welcome or comfortable. Im glad your experience was positive hon I think its great youre involved :)

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