This blog is written as a way for me to express my feelings, thoughts and emotions as I go through life as a proud Air Force Wife!


April 27, 2010

I'm the worst mom.........

when I don't get sleep!

My daughter plays softball and it was the night before her first tournament play with a new team. I had a very exhausting week and could not seem to catch some good zzzzz's no matter what night it was. After 6 nights of bad sleep I am almost useless. My mind is not working and the headaches are plentiful. Now is the night before the big game and my daughter can't sleep.  I keep giving her hugs and talking her through it. No worries, hug your bears, say your prayers and try to relax. At 1230 am she is still awake and my mind is going bazerk. I am so tired it is painful to have my eyes open. At this point I am not being very caring and loving anymore and the demon mom has come out. I just want to go to sleep so bad and hubby is not here to give her his special hugs and encouragement. I finally angrily go to the couch to sleep just to get away. She is now sad that she has kept me awake but still can't sleep because she is so nervous. Good Golly!!  I keep telling her PLEASE go to sleep!  She finally does fall asleep and I head back to bed. We need to be at the field at 815am so that means we need to be up no later than 7. The clock says 1245. OK- time to get some sleep.


I of course wake up so many times it is pitiful. Then when she wakes up in the morning of course I feel like crap for treating her the way I did. Nothing I did seemed to help. I felt so useless and way too tired. So, I had a chat with her and told her I was sorry. I don't think I could have said enough how sorry I was. She said she was sorry too but I still felt like crap. I am glad we talked about it and hopefully she will remember that part.

I really was mad that I didn't handle it better. I don't want her memories to be of her mom being psycho at night.  Lesson learned.

She did great at the games. They won 2 games and lost 2. Not bad for their first time playing together.


Expat Girl said...

No matter what, she is always going to think you are the best Μum in the world even when she says otherwise. This is what I am realising now that I am having a little girl and I have total respect for mums in the world that I hadn't realised before!

Michelle said...

She'll understand when she gets older or at least that's what my mom told me! (So true though) But really the important thing is that you're there for her, grumpy or not. And you acknowledge what you could've done differently and apologized! I should really take lessons from you.

And if you have tips on how to fall asleep when the hubby isn't around, definitely send them my way cuz I could sure use them!

Donna said...

Oh Cheryl. There is no way in the world that her memories will be of that. You are her mummy, the most amazing person in the planet. Her memories are fully of your smile and patience and all things great. Don't be so hard on yourself - you do an absolutely AMAZING job!

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